the signs as cr1tikal quotes

aries: you can turn that shitty knife into a titty knife.
taurus: fuck you and your formal attire.
gemini: most owls can turn their heads 270 degrees in both directions. this owl can fuck itself in all directions.
cancer: oh, okay. guess i'll go fuck myself then.
leo: good evening. tonight's special is the shit blizzard.
virgo: ah, just a little bit of ghost semen. a very common ingredient found in most beverages, so, might as well stick to the traditional.
libra: you will all feast on the fuck.
scorpio: his legs are trembling, his knees are weak, his mom's heavy, put your vagina in spaghetti.
sagittarius: i'm ready to begin my journey with a full-fledged erection and a heart of ambition.
capricorn: this bastard just got re-atomized.
aquarius: serenade my candy ass, come on!
pisces: i would rather solve a rubiks cube using only my bare nipples than try to make that fucking jump.

tannoreth:

character building question: if your character is Eagle One, who is

• Been There Done That
• Currently Doing That
• It Happened Once In A Dream
• If I Had To Pick A Dude
• Eagle Two

picturesquegoddess:

Achievement Hunter in Hogwarts houses!

Forgive me I don’t know a lot about Harry Potter but here are some headcanons:

- Geoff and Gav are a couple of pure-blood brothers, a bit prejudiced against mudbloods.. Also like pulling pranks on people.
- Lindsay and Michael play on the same quidditch team. Michael is the beater and Lindsay is the Keeper. Barb likes to joke to Michael that “She’s a Keeper”
- Ryan is a bright student and head of Ravenclaw house. Although he’s got a bit of a shady background and a sort of “you should have been a Slytherin” vibe.
- Ray is a muggle born and is appalled by the lack of technology. He manages to get Jack to smuggle in his DS but it doesn’t work. Ryan and him are working on a charm for it.
- Jack is half-blood and a star student. As mentioned, he smuggles things into school which makes him quite popular with muggle born students since a lot of them get him to bring in Muggle candy and chocolate among other things.
- Barb is in Hufflepuff with Jack (Sorry her hair is wrong but it fits for Hufflepuff)

michaelmyboi:

Burnie: “What’s up with your hair? Are you cosplaying as Sonic?”

micooolandgav:

(x)

adhdnoravalkyrie:

fun game: put your playlist on shuffle. make a new OC based on the first three songs you get

brightchimeradragon:

officialvarrictethras:

biggest issue with being an artist and a gamer

draw

or play games

draw games

or play drawing games

iguanamouth:

liquidcoma:

leftingimborn:

please understand that when you misgender a trans person and they don’t correct you, it’s not because they are okay with the pronouns you used but because they don’t want to annoy you or seem demanding. it doesn’t mean you can continue misgensering them because they “don’t seem to mind.”

*staples this to everyone’s foreheads*

robotsatthedisco:

eggyeggegg:

clepse:

kingcheddarxmas:

There have been a lot of good memes this year but I think the underdog meme of 2014 is “shaming aesthetic bloggers who unnecessarily submerge things in water that should not be submerged in water”

shit

you used a ziploc you cheated the meme police are coming

thefeelsguy:

snailwitch:

i actually love meme culture because it throws advertisers for such a loop they try so desperately appeal to the youth but the youth moves on to something like 2 weeks later and remembers the other thing as an embarrassing part of their past

memes: the TRUE weapon against capitalism

thestarlesswanderer:

Being asexual is like being born without a sense of smell but everywhere you go people are spraying perfume in your face and when you ask them to stop and tell them it’s irritating and you can’t smell the perfume anyway they get huffy and respond with “Don’t lie to me; I can clearly see you have a nose. Everybody has a nose therefore everybody smells things and besides maybe you just haven’t found the right scent yet.” and then you want to scream